Damn You John Mayer!
I cried as I drove out from the garage of our house. I got to the end of my street and welts of tears formed in my eyes. I should not have been listening to John Mayer, his music makes me reflect and reminisce and I knew I needed to find something more upbeat if I was going to make the 20 mile drive to school. So I picked one of the R&B stations. Normally I would not have chosen this type of music, but there was just something about it this morning that kept my mind off the fact that I was leaving my baby Getty for the day.
I was going to work, somewhere safe and comforting. It has been my home away from home for the past nine years and yet today I was dreading going. It just solidified that fact that this was all really happening.
I drove up and parked and just kind of stayed in my car for a bit. I truly was hoping that I wouldn’t run into anyone because I wasn’t ready. Before I could sprint to my room, a pack of kids were walking around and coming right for me. “MATHANY,” they yelled. They came right at me and hugged me and I just stood there and embraced the love. It felt great and that fear and apprehension I was feeling went away. To them I was just Mathany, their teacher, and that was enough. All the baggage I was carrying with me, along with some school supplies, was baggage I was carrying, not them. They were just happy to see me. It felt terrific!
I spent a lot of time in my room to just reflect and get ready for the upcoming school year. In my office, I looked at a whole bunch of pictures of Getty that I had taped to the wall when she was first-born. My office very quickly turned into a Getty shrine after I got back from maternity leave last year. It was my way of dealing with having to leave her after 6 weeks. I believe I will be adding many more pictures of Getty to get me through every day now that I am going back full-time.
It was so comforting to see a few of my colleagues. They were gracious with hugs and they were so comforting. I am so glad I ventured out of my room today. I needed to walk the hallways, I needed to get over the sting of knowing I was coming back, and I needed to see loved ones that help support my family and I. Our school is a family and we take care of our own.
I’ll be honest, it is difficult to be the recipient of the comfort and support. Usually I am on the other side giving it, so receiving it is new territory. School starts Monday and I need to just focus on one day at a time. I started to feel a bit overwhelmed by all the things I still need to do and I realized that taking a little at a time will keep me focused and steady.
I safely drove home as fast as I could, so I could scoop Getty up in my arms to kiss her all over. I made it home only to find my sweet angel asleep on the couch. She was sleeping so soundly but I couldn’t control myself and I picked her up and hugged her. She woke up in an obvious startle and looked at me as if to say, “Hey Mom I was sleeping, didn’t you see that my eyes were…..shut?” I couldn’t resist after being away from her for hours. I thought she would embrace my hug, but she ended up looking at me like I was crazy. So note to self, if Getty is sleeping, leave the poor girl alone until she decides to wake up. That look on her face though priceless, was not a positive expression. 🙂
Football tonight. Watching with Grammy and Papa. The picture attached is of Mark and Getty laying on the couch watching the game. It was so sweet. Looks like we have another Cowboy fan, because she seemed to talk quite a bit tonight while the Eagles were playing. I believe if I could speak “baby”, I would say Getty was giving the Eagles a piece of her mind. Good girl!
A long walk to the park helped Mark and I reconnect after such an emotional day. Cooper also got to get some exercise in while running after his ball.
The wind picked up tonight, the breeze felt terrific. The windchime outside is making beautiful music outside our door.
I keep going back to a phrase that has been helping me on a day-to-day basis, “one day at a time”. I feel like it gives me the chance to not be so hard on myself. Days like today are very emotional and for all different reasons and I need to know that, it is okay and that perhaps the next day could be harder or easier. Even with all of the uncertainty I need to help my family keep moving forward with the notion that life is truly what you make it. Miss Getty is the biggest blessing to Mark and I. Her spirit drives our lives now and we are so fortunate to be on this journey together as a family.