The leaves have been turning but the weather had yet to match, until today. What a pleasant way to wake up this morning. Rain falling as the wind picked it up only to throw it around for a few seconds before its inevitable landing. The unstable weather outside makes for cozy and warm feelings inside. I always look forward to this time of year. The colors outside are breathtaking and the air is crisp.
This morning I awoke to a quiet and calm house. The aroma of coffee filled the house, Nora Jones was playing in the background and Getty and I were snuggling on the couch. Everything was just right. Today I finally felt like a mommy.
I had waited a relatively long time to have a child. There were so many things I wanted to accomplish before devoting my life to another human being. I wanted the degree, the career, and the relationship to fit nicely into my world until taking that next step. I wanted to experience life, I wanted to drive that car, I wanted to see those places. As a young adult I had put such expectations on my life. I had placed such a threshold for success just far enough out of reach so I could challenge myself to be the best at what I did. I read, I questioned, I conquered, or so I thought.
So as Getty and I were laying on the couch this beautiful Sunday morning it completely and finally occurred to me, I was a mommy. Perhaps all of those things that I had accomplished weren’t necessarily meant for self-gratification, perhaps it was to prepare me for right now. I have absolutely no regrets in my life and I am so glad I was able to accomplish all of those things in my younger years because now I have nothing keeping me from just being Getty’s mommy. That’s all I want to be and it is such an honor for her to have picked me to be her mommy.
We take delight in every “poop”, every “burp”, every “anything”. I take great joy in getting her ready for a nap. Getty likes to be tucked in a certain way and I love making sure she is just right. I love watching her transition to sleep. I remove her blanket when she wakes and Getty always does a dramatic stretch with her arms, it is so cute.
Getty has been talking a lot more. Selfishly I have been awaiting some coherent word to come out of her mouth, but I will take any babel she gives us. She has such a sweet voice. A soft and reassuring tone that in time might include some dada, and momma.
I know lots of people who have children. When we would have conversations about their kids I was always so struck by the level of love that would gush from their mouths about just daily milestones that their kids were achieving. Before Getty, my brain couldn’t fathom how a person could talk for a good hour about how their child liked bananas but now is starting to like carrots and going to great lengths to explain their game plan to incorporate beets. I would always leave those conversations perplexed, “what happened to my friend, how could one person talk about food their kids eat for so long?” I truly thought at some point in the pregnancy they had lost their mind and perhaps would never recover to what they once were.
Now I get it. I am that parent and I am so incredibly proud to be. Getty and I talk all the time about what the plans for the day are. We go into great lengths about what she is going to wear for the day. We talk about the bubbles in the bath that she squishes between her fingers. Last night we talked about her new little “stuffed” kitten, Mittens that her sweet cousins Isabelle and Clare got her. We talk and talk and talk.
I am learning that is what life is all about for me. Giving Getty everything I have to make sure she is happy, healthy, and thriving. Sharing all the moments together and to enjoy each others company. Being a mommy is awesome.